Survival

Friends, family, business associates and even new acquaintances have repeatedly asked me how I’ve been able to function and survive the victimization my family has experienced since June of 2008.

The easy answer is that I have a family who needs me to be strong for them.

I also made some decisions early on which I feel have been instrumental in my successful survival of this nightmare.  I would like to share those decisions here hoping that I’ll be able to empower others in similar situations to be strong and survive.

The person who victimized me had a goal.  When he realized I wouldn’t take him back he began stalking me in order to force me to take him back.  When that didn’t work he also set out to ruin me financially and make me lose my home.  There was a point in time when I realized the seriousness of the situation, and the decisions I made at that time were as follows;

  • Since I knew he was a liar and expert on all things crooked, I decided I was going to handle the situation in a way that I wouldn’t have to tell a single lie.  This choice was monumental in my successful survival and defense in the civil cases he filed against me.
  • If I would have responded to his provocations with the same behavior I knew I wouldn’t be able to expect anything to be done about his behavior, so I did nothing in return.  I gave him nothing to use against me.  If he was going to make any accusations against me, he would have to make them up, which is exactly what he repeatedly attempted to do, unsuccessfully.
  • I began saving every text and voicemail he sent me.  He was sending so many that in the beginning I was deleting without even listening to the voicemails, but thank God I started saving them.  These were instrumental in both the criminal and civil cases.
  • I also began documenting every drive-by, phone call and physical incident including dates, times and details of the incident.
  • I began saving every email sent to me from anyone involved with my cases, and have saved every document in both the civil and criminal cases.  These documents are also in the possession of enough people that if anything ever happens to me my story will still be told.
  • There was one decision I made which was most important to my success at maintaining a level of happiness and enjoying life in the midst of his relentless pursuit of me.  It was the decision to stay positive and not let him ruin my life.  I refused to give up having fun.  I told my friends when we were out socializing that the situation was off topic.  I wanted to enjoy myself and not let him be in my every thought, and it worked.

Years ago, when I was probably 10 or 11 years old, someone gave me the advice to ALWAYS LEAVE A PAPER TRAIL.  For some reason I listened for once and followed that advice.  I can’t stress enough how helpful that piece of advice has been for me throughout my life.

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